trying to create a tiny bit of space

I depart for my "Staging Event" tomorrow morning, and life has indeed become a tornado of departure and goodbyes and packing and lists and crush crush crush piled on top of a person. I know that by this time two days from now, I will be surrounded by new people, wondering if I forgot or chose not to pack anything "vital" and hopefully on the backside of the emotional overload that life has become.

Yesterday my sister arrived with my nieces - almost eight and fully ten - and they are off to YMCA camp today. In a way, that was my beginning for the adventures that perhaps reach culmination tomorrow. I am just "going off to camp" on steroids. My sister said to me this morning that she can't think of a more well-prepared person to thrive in the Peace Corps experience, and hopefully she is right. I responded "What else would I do now?" - my life has been pointing to this challenge for a while, maybe since Y camp twenty years ago.

The burden of saying goodbyes is nearly over, and it doesn't seem as bad today as it has. I spoke to my brother for the last time until god knows when, and that was in a way the hardest goodbye to say. But it too was just words, just wishes for luck and success. And really, what else can we give each other in parting? Wishes and hopes, and maybe tiny bits of strength from knowing that as alone as life feels sometimes, there are others out there to love and be loved by.

[I'm sure "by" is a terrible way to end a sentence, but I haven't the energy to rework all that to write it properly, and today is a day that I give myself license to use bad grammar. I'll try harder in the future.]