un-victory

So today I lost. I know it’s sounds competitive, and I am that. We all are, at least in my family, in our ways, but today just wasn’t what I consider to be a successful day as a Peace Corps Volunteer, or even as a human being. Whether it was fibromyalgia, amoebas, the flu, or just Africa, today I was aching from the minute I woke up, and almost couldn’t get myself to go to the high school to do work that I had been looking forward to doing a few days ago. But, I went. It wasn’t particularly happy times, but I did fix the main problem we were having, and though there wasn’t internet available, we made some decisions and progress, something that I should value more when it shows its face at all.
After being there for a few hours, I realized just how poorly I felt, and decided to call it a day. I just went home, barely greeted my people, and went inside my house. Which, mercifully, is cool and wonderful for much of the day during the beloved “cold” season. I pretty much just bailed from there on out, reading and sleeping until four except for a brief appearance at lunch. I recently have been improving my hut’s creature comforts, and it’s now possible to lounge/read/sleep during the daytime in some measure of comfort. I took full advantage, and enjoyed it as much as possible. Now I’m hoping to bounce back tomorrow and get back on the horse.
Work is pretty much full on these days, as full on as it gets here at least, now that everyone is agreeing that the holidays are finally over and work can resume. I am sure that I’m overly influenced by puritanical, driven-to-make-money American culture, but if this is the opposite end of the spectrum, I will take New York City and the rush and bustle for the long haul. And this is a good education in taking it easy, even though I can’t quite seem to do that when I need to, and have to cool my heels more than I need when it’s culturally required.
I got a lot of packages on Saturday!! This really merits its own post, it was such a big deal, and I hope to write it and put it up soon. But, really, I got so much love that my colleagues were giving me grief. It arrived on Saturday because the mail was a bit of a fiasco, and they were between three and four hours late getting to Fara Fenni. So, they delivered it in the morning. Thanks so much to all of you who sent packages, I will be writing more about it and sending notes and all of that – but probably in Africa time. I think I got all the packages I was expecting, amazingly.
Looking back at the first line of this entry, it’s more negative than I really feel. I guess that’s something else I’m working on learning – break downs come, break downs go, what are you gonna do about it, that’s what I wanna know – in the immortal words of Paul Simon. I know I am here to get experience relying on myself, and figuring out how to live a good life. Learn to appreciate the little things, and not get too worked up or beat myself about the head and shoulders too much for not living up to my own often-unrealistic expectations. So, perhaps this Peace Corps thing is working out for me, and I’m not really losing after all…